It seems that Week 13 is lost. Well, my GP, midwife and me were wrong in calculations and scan showed that I was in the middle of the 13th weeks. Numbers were never my good friends. I hate Maths, I secretly believe that I have some form of numerical dyslexia.
Anyway, there's light at the end of a tunnel. I start to feel a bit better. Less visits to toilet to throw up, hoooray!!
I regularly speak to my mum who lives in Aktobe, Kazakhstan on the phone. Lately, I have been moaning and complaining a lot. My mum's way of showing support is to tell me how difficult it was for her, she had to work and was anaemic and there's only 22 months between me and my elder sister. All is true. And annoing at the same time! it's not a competition of who is more miserable but she makes it sound that I lead an easy life with a loving and supporting husband and no need to work full time. So I'm trying to tell her that nothing is easy and I will have to cope with 2 kids under 5 on my own as my husband works away a lot!!! At times he is away for months!!!
Mum then suggests that she will give up work and come and stay with us for 6 months when the baby is born. This is unexpected. I love my mum dearly, I actually appreciate her more after my dad passed away (February 2009, 3 days before my birthday) but 6 months is a lot. So I don't say "No" and I don't say "Yes". I get away with "We'll see"
From now on, whenever I talk to mum, I don't complain. Not a moan. Everything is great. I'm coping very well. I am my usual stong self. Super woman.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Week 12
I have been looking forward to this week. This is My First Scan week. I'm going to see my baby!!!! Shame, Husband is away to work again and will not see our little Bean.
Last time I was pregnant, he missed all scan appointments, classes and labour (which technically wasn't long as they c-sectioned me pretty quickly). Before going to hospital to have a baby, I pushed and forced both engagement and wedding rings on my swollen finger because I didn't want to look like some miserable asian single mother. I was on the edge.
This week I also need to go to the recording studio, we are still working on one particular track that I start to hate as I've listened to it so many times it hurts my ears. Producer makes me write lyrics. I can only come up with super cheesy, soapy lines however hard I try. He challenges me more and eventually my "brain" shuts down.
All I can think about is this song that comes into my mind and won't leave:
"If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?"
Simple words written by Tim Hardin.....why can I not write like Mr Hardin???
Right, back to scan. Turns out I am not 12 weeks pregnant but 13!!! Baby is healthy, developing as should, active and very cute. Poses for a picture that I take home and show my mother-in-law and my son. My 4 year old is amazed, he wants to see the scan picture again and again. Points out at the area around the baby, then asks:
- Mummy, is that your tummy?
- Yes, darling.
- Oh dear, your tummy is sooooo black!!!
My due date is now 12th December!!!
Last time I was pregnant, he missed all scan appointments, classes and labour (which technically wasn't long as they c-sectioned me pretty quickly). Before going to hospital to have a baby, I pushed and forced both engagement and wedding rings on my swollen finger because I didn't want to look like some miserable asian single mother. I was on the edge.
This week I also need to go to the recording studio, we are still working on one particular track that I start to hate as I've listened to it so many times it hurts my ears. Producer makes me write lyrics. I can only come up with super cheesy, soapy lines however hard I try. He challenges me more and eventually my "brain" shuts down.
All I can think about is this song that comes into my mind and won't leave:
"If I were a carpenter
And you were a lady,
Would you marry me anyway?
Would you have my baby?"
Simple words written by Tim Hardin.....why can I not write like Mr Hardin???
Right, back to scan. Turns out I am not 12 weeks pregnant but 13!!! Baby is healthy, developing as should, active and very cute. Poses for a picture that I take home and show my mother-in-law and my son. My 4 year old is amazed, he wants to see the scan picture again and again. Points out at the area around the baby, then asks:
- Mummy, is that your tummy?
- Yes, darling.
- Oh dear, your tummy is sooooo black!!!
My due date is now 12th December!!!
Week 11
(still catching up)
It seems that all I have been doing for the past 4 weeks is complain, moan and sulk. Continuous sickness and hormonal changes turn me into somebody that is not me. I hate moaning, I hate when people sulk, I am not that kind of girl. I cope. Always. Whatever the situation.
However, here I am. Teary, angry, tired and moody.
Of course, I try to stay positive, telling myself that all is worth it. But there are times when I reach my lowest. How am I going to do it all??? Recording, performing, looking after my 4 year old, Husband, house, cooking, cleaning, keeping thin and toned, washing and ironing.
I now sleep in sea bands because even through deepest sleep I feel nauseous and sick.
It seems that all I have been doing for the past 4 weeks is complain, moan and sulk. Continuous sickness and hormonal changes turn me into somebody that is not me. I hate moaning, I hate when people sulk, I am not that kind of girl. I cope. Always. Whatever the situation.
However, here I am. Teary, angry, tired and moody.
Of course, I try to stay positive, telling myself that all is worth it. But there are times when I reach my lowest. How am I going to do it all??? Recording, performing, looking after my 4 year old, Husband, house, cooking, cleaning, keeping thin and toned, washing and ironing.
I now sleep in sea bands because even through deepest sleep I feel nauseous and sick.
Week 10
I'm running behind the schedule here. Today is 28th July and Im already bang in the middle of Week 21..yet I'm still writing about Week 10, lots of catching up to do.
Week 10 is not much different to previous weeks, still puking.
Most of the time, I'm ravenous yet the list of foods that I can't stand is getting longer. So far I don't like eating any kind of meat (apart from beef that I can occasionally stomach and keep it in), fish or seafood; potatoes, rice, any kind of pasta, any oup, any kind of dairy, spicy food, etc. Survive on fruit (mainly water melon) and veg. I am slowly becoming a vegetarian.
Husband takes me and kids out for an Italian meal. I am sooooo hungry that decide to have a starter: prawns with sweet chili. They are delicious, spicy, sweet and juicy!!!
Starter is followed by Spagetti Meatballs. I tuck in......only to stop abruplty and literally run for Ladies. OMG!!!! Damn you prawns and sweet chili. I spend ages in the toilet, my stomach is so upset that I dare not walk far away from the little cubicle. Eventually I emerge, pale and lighter in weight. Spagetti meatballs are cold and soggy and repulse me immensely. I urge Husband and kids to finish quickly, pay and go!!! Must go NOW!!!
At home, I run to the loo and puke more.
Such fun!!!
Another pregnancy mystery is that I am, in fact, getting bigger. How is that possible??? I eat, I throw up. I survive on salads yet my tummy is getting thicker!!! I now have only one pair of jeans that fit me. Time to hit shops.
Week 10 is not much different to previous weeks, still puking.
Most of the time, I'm ravenous yet the list of foods that I can't stand is getting longer. So far I don't like eating any kind of meat (apart from beef that I can occasionally stomach and keep it in), fish or seafood; potatoes, rice, any kind of pasta, any oup, any kind of dairy, spicy food, etc. Survive on fruit (mainly water melon) and veg. I am slowly becoming a vegetarian.
Husband takes me and kids out for an Italian meal. I am sooooo hungry that decide to have a starter: prawns with sweet chili. They are delicious, spicy, sweet and juicy!!!
Starter is followed by Spagetti Meatballs. I tuck in......only to stop abruplty and literally run for Ladies. OMG!!!! Damn you prawns and sweet chili. I spend ages in the toilet, my stomach is so upset that I dare not walk far away from the little cubicle. Eventually I emerge, pale and lighter in weight. Spagetti meatballs are cold and soggy and repulse me immensely. I urge Husband and kids to finish quickly, pay and go!!! Must go NOW!!!
At home, I run to the loo and puke more.
Such fun!!!
Another pregnancy mystery is that I am, in fact, getting bigger. How is that possible??? I eat, I throw up. I survive on salads yet my tummy is getting thicker!!! I now have only one pair of jeans that fit me. Time to hit shops.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Week 9
We are filming a video for the track "Iskala" in Mathers Bar, Edinburgh.
We film in the morning which is good news for me as I feel better in the mornings. In between cuts, I sneak into toilet and throw up. Nobody notices that I might be feeling shit apart from Husband. If you look at the "behind the scene" photos, I don't look that bad....thats the power of make up!
When we finish filming we head to Pret a Mange for lunch, I get myself a miso soup. Big mistake. On the way home, I feel awful....spend the rest of the day in bed, head is exploding, sickness level is increasingly high. This is the worst day of my early pregnancy so far, it brings me down and I start to question myself: can I do it? I feel like giving up ...Husband does his best to help me go through it all.
Next day midwife comes for a home visit, checks my notes and tells me to ask her anything that troubles me. I immediately ask her if there is anything that will ease my miserable state? She recommends sea bands. We jump in the car and head straight to Boots!
I can't believe how quickly sea bands start to work, its a miracle. They don't take nauseaness away but they ease the severity of it. Im back to normal self and for the fist time in weeks I manage to cook a meal!!!
Sea bands help me to control eating, before I was binge eating junk food: MacDonalds, KFC, chinese takeaways, you name it! and it made me feel worse: i was bloated, burping and "polluting air with poisonous emissions".
With sea bands I am back to eating normal food like fresh veg, salads, fruit and home cooked meals.
Sea bands rule!!!
We film in the morning which is good news for me as I feel better in the mornings. In between cuts, I sneak into toilet and throw up. Nobody notices that I might be feeling shit apart from Husband. If you look at the "behind the scene" photos, I don't look that bad....thats the power of make up!
When we finish filming we head to Pret a Mange for lunch, I get myself a miso soup. Big mistake. On the way home, I feel awful....spend the rest of the day in bed, head is exploding, sickness level is increasingly high. This is the worst day of my early pregnancy so far, it brings me down and I start to question myself: can I do it? I feel like giving up ...Husband does his best to help me go through it all.
Next day midwife comes for a home visit, checks my notes and tells me to ask her anything that troubles me. I immediately ask her if there is anything that will ease my miserable state? She recommends sea bands. We jump in the car and head straight to Boots!
I can't believe how quickly sea bands start to work, its a miracle. They don't take nauseaness away but they ease the severity of it. Im back to normal self and for the fist time in weeks I manage to cook a meal!!!
Sea bands help me to control eating, before I was binge eating junk food: MacDonalds, KFC, chinese takeaways, you name it! and it made me feel worse: i was bloated, burping and "polluting air with poisonous emissions".
With sea bands I am back to eating normal food like fresh veg, salads, fruit and home cooked meals.
Sea bands rule!!!
Week 8
Sick, nauseous, throwing up, hungry, upset, tired, frustrated, sleepy, teary.
Husband tries his best to look after the boys, feed them, take them to school and nursery, entertain them. Im either lying down or throwing up. This time it's definitely more difficult than with my 4year old. List of foods that I can't stand is getting bigger.
We are going to a recording studio for a spot of mixing and recording vocals. I send Husband to Marks n Spencers to stock up on sannies, miso soup and a slice of Vic sponge cake. While in the studio my mouth is super busy ....munching away...in between I manage to sing guide and backing vocals for a new track.
Our producer/sound engineer looks a bit taken aback by the amount of food Ive consumed. The new track is shaping well and sounds cool.
We are hosting a quiz night at our house and expecting loads of people: friends and family. We buy party snacks and booze. Im a bit nervous, it's still early to tell friends about my "condition" so Im hoping they will not guess. The biggest clue will be my non-drinking. Party and gi is not drinking????!!!!! Impossible! Party goes swell, there are so many people that nobody notices who drinks what and how much. My secret stays with me!
Husband tries his best to look after the boys, feed them, take them to school and nursery, entertain them. Im either lying down or throwing up. This time it's definitely more difficult than with my 4year old. List of foods that I can't stand is getting bigger.
We are going to a recording studio for a spot of mixing and recording vocals. I send Husband to Marks n Spencers to stock up on sannies, miso soup and a slice of Vic sponge cake. While in the studio my mouth is super busy ....munching away...in between I manage to sing guide and backing vocals for a new track.
Our producer/sound engineer looks a bit taken aback by the amount of food Ive consumed. The new track is shaping well and sounds cool.
We are hosting a quiz night at our house and expecting loads of people: friends and family. We buy party snacks and booze. Im a bit nervous, it's still early to tell friends about my "condition" so Im hoping they will not guess. The biggest clue will be my non-drinking. Party and gi is not drinking????!!!!! Impossible! Party goes swell, there are so many people that nobody notices who drinks what and how much. My secret stays with me!
Week 7
Ok, ok...I wanted morning sickness. I needed it to reconfirm that I am in fact preggers. I have trouble believing.
And it comes....with a twist, it's not morning sickness, it's an all day event. Man, it gets really bad in the evenings. Not a very good timing as I need to give my son a bath, change him into jamees, read him a book and put him to bed. I skip book reading. Sometimes, I skip bath time altogether.
And I want to sleep. Generally I feel shit. Like a really bad hangover. To add to my miserable state weather is fantastic, I smell barbeques everywhere....people are drinking chilled beer or white crisp wine, eating burgers and marinated chicken drumsticks, sausages, coleslaw salad and crisps. In my current state bbq food doesnt excite me, alcohol makes me sick...yet I crave barbies....it's the atmospere of friends getting together on a sunny hot day grilling meat, drinking Pimms, kids running around. Everyone is having fun, while I am in the toilet puking yet again!
And it comes....with a twist, it's not morning sickness, it's an all day event. Man, it gets really bad in the evenings. Not a very good timing as I need to give my son a bath, change him into jamees, read him a book and put him to bed. I skip book reading. Sometimes, I skip bath time altogether.
And I want to sleep. Generally I feel shit. Like a really bad hangover. To add to my miserable state weather is fantastic, I smell barbeques everywhere....people are drinking chilled beer or white crisp wine, eating burgers and marinated chicken drumsticks, sausages, coleslaw salad and crisps. In my current state bbq food doesnt excite me, alcohol makes me sick...yet I crave barbies....it's the atmospere of friends getting together on a sunny hot day grilling meat, drinking Pimms, kids running around. Everyone is having fun, while I am in the toilet puking yet again!
Week 6
Morning sicknes hasn't kicked in yet. Maybe too early? Although there are signs of something different going on: I can't eat. My appetite is gone, any food repulses me. Yet I am very hungry and want to eat something......something...unknown. I go to the fridge, open it, scan its contents and don't fancy anything. I shut the fridge and go away. In frustration.
My boobs are definitely getting bigger. I like it and at the same time it scares me. I had cleavage once in my life: when I was pregnant with my first son.
You see, when we perform and I want to look super sexy on stage, I have to put on a seriously padded bra or two bras. It's a cheap cheat. Expensive cheat will not be funded irrespective of numerous requests. Nose job will not be paid either, damn it!!!
Flat tummy, toned body - I can achieve myself, it's easy: eat in moderation, exercise, fail your driving test 6 times and walk everywhere. Or get yourself a personal trainer. However, boobs lift and nose alterations have to be done by others. Specialists. Plastic surgeouns who ask to be paid excrutiating amount of money.
In the studio while recording tracks, me and producer chat about pregnancies (he has 3 kids), I tell him that this is my second time of having Sexy Cleavage...cheap way to enhance boobs :) He shrewdly observes that in no way it's cheap, in fact it's bloody expensive!!!
OMG! He is right, babies ARE expensive! Baby cot, car seat, pram, high chair, nappies, wipes, baby bath, etc etc etc
My boobs are definitely getting bigger. I like it and at the same time it scares me. I had cleavage once in my life: when I was pregnant with my first son.
You see, when we perform and I want to look super sexy on stage, I have to put on a seriously padded bra or two bras. It's a cheap cheat. Expensive cheat will not be funded irrespective of numerous requests. Nose job will not be paid either, damn it!!!
Flat tummy, toned body - I can achieve myself, it's easy: eat in moderation, exercise, fail your driving test 6 times and walk everywhere. Or get yourself a personal trainer. However, boobs lift and nose alterations have to be done by others. Specialists. Plastic surgeouns who ask to be paid excrutiating amount of money.
In the studio while recording tracks, me and producer chat about pregnancies (he has 3 kids), I tell him that this is my second time of having Sexy Cleavage...cheap way to enhance boobs :) He shrewdly observes that in no way it's cheap, in fact it's bloody expensive!!!
OMG! He is right, babies ARE expensive! Baby cot, car seat, pram, high chair, nappies, wipes, baby bath, etc etc etc
Week 5
I am still taken aback with the news. I just can't believe it is happening.
So I bought 2 more tests. All positive. Hey!!!! I am definitely pregnant.
My GP told me that baby was due in mid December. "It could well be a Christmas baby", he informed me half smiling.
Blimey, it seems that I can only give birth on big occasions. My son was born on the same day as my husband. More so, it was my husband's 40th birthday. I had trouble getting him a present as he seems to have everything under the sun (well, relatively), so I gave him the best present ever: a beautiful new born baby boy! Son Number Dva.
So his Christmas present this year is sorted. Maybe, I could give him a Daughter Number One!
So I bought 2 more tests. All positive. Hey!!!! I am definitely pregnant.
My GP told me that baby was due in mid December. "It could well be a Christmas baby", he informed me half smiling.
Blimey, it seems that I can only give birth on big occasions. My son was born on the same day as my husband. More so, it was my husband's 40th birthday. I had trouble getting him a present as he seems to have everything under the sun (well, relatively), so I gave him the best present ever: a beautiful new born baby boy! Son Number Dva.
So his Christmas present this year is sorted. Maybe, I could give him a Daughter Number One!
Week 4
As I lay in my dentist's chair (my life time pursuit of a near perfect Holywood smile) my mind lazily stumbled from one subject onto another. Two hours with an open mouth could be very boring and tiring, I couldnt sleep, or talk, or watch tv, or eat....My options were to look at my dentist and his assistant (not very exciting, must admit) or close eyes and think of things in general ... Being a busy mum of a 4 year old and in a band, I enivitably thought of calendars, things to do, people to call, emails to send. Eventually, it struck me that I am close to my "red army" days which I had been dreading in the last few months as with hormonal change came Bad Migraine. Migraine attacks were quite severe with a blinding pain, and total inability to function....no medicine seemed to help. These attacks would come unannounced and I couldnt prepare for them.. As usual, I was looking for signs that "red army" days would bring with them: am I eating too much? are my boobs sore and tender? any mood swings? I've realised that all the answers were negative, I felt absolutely fine. I started counting days from the last army visit and it turned out that I was due the "October Revolution" that very day, yet there were no signs of bloshevik troops.
And it slowly dawned on me that I might be pregnant. I was excited that I might have fallen pregnant. Later that Friday, 9th of April I spoke to my husband and told him that I was late (only one day but my body works like a clock).I decided to go and buy a test on Monday. It was only sensible.However, next morning I was in Boots holding Clearblue pregnancy test in my hands. It was positive.
POSITIVE!!!!!
Immediately texted Husband. He texted back with "wow", forever cryptic.Then I texted my big sister in KZ. I said: "Suyunshi" which means: "Good news" in Kazakh.
She came back: "Pregnant?"
"Yes"
She texted; "Im crying"
"Don't tell mum, I want to tell her myself"
In less than 5 seconds she came back: "Too late, I already told her"
Damn!!!
And it slowly dawned on me that I might be pregnant. I was excited that I might have fallen pregnant. Later that Friday, 9th of April I spoke to my husband and told him that I was late (only one day but my body works like a clock).I decided to go and buy a test on Monday. It was only sensible.However, next morning I was in Boots holding Clearblue pregnancy test in my hands. It was positive.
POSITIVE!!!!!
Immediately texted Husband. He texted back with "wow", forever cryptic.Then I texted my big sister in KZ. I said: "Suyunshi" which means: "Good news" in Kazakh.
She came back: "Pregnant?"
"Yes"
She texted; "Im crying"
"Don't tell mum, I want to tell her myself"
In less than 5 seconds she came back: "Too late, I already told her"
Damn!!!
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